Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Why did you read the book in the first place?

Every once in a while, you come across a review of a book that makes you wonder why the person read the book in the first place. People who think fantasy promotes witchcraft shouldn't read Harry Potter. People who think homosexuality is immoral shouldn't read Augusten Burroughs. People who hate Jenna Jameson shouldn't read her memoir.

On How To Make Love Like A Porn Star:
I have no love for this woman or her work.

Jenna Jameson has not only accepted the mass media accolades for yet another hollow idol, she has exploited it, helping to delude hundreds of young women into a world of pornography and prostitution.

As a porn performer Jenna has also set back race relations in an industry already a bastion of redneck, crakkka bigotry.

[Some examples of how racist Jenna Jameson is.]

Jenna Jameson cares only for Jenna Jameson and nobody else. She is a mercenary.
Another bull-dyked, bleached-blonde, faketitted, flatbacked white trash bimbo who is readily available for the redneck and college fratboy element to abuse themselves in front of the tv and computer screen.
Because Jenna's fans are going to be so dissuaded from buying the book by someone who refers to masturbation as "abuse."

I really don't like book reviews from people who haven't read the book. Jenna Jameson may or may not be racist -- from what I've heard, I suspect that she is -- but book reviews are supposed to review the book. At least read the first couple chapters before you go bitching on Amazon. Then you can complain about the racism and the tortured prose.

This one is special for the grammar:
When I first started reading it, I was thinking maybe this will give me an insight on how someone gets into Porn, What makes someone wake up and say today I'm going to belittle myself.She starts off talking about her childhood how she hang with bikers and how she was raped once by this man Preacher and then later on you learn she was gang raped. This book doesn't make you feel anything, it's worthless! The title may get U but don't waste your money! The first couple of chapers which aren't alot you'll start to get a little "interested" but U really come to find how boring this book is! VERY BORING!
I can sum this book up....
White girl gets rape, White girl uses her body to strip, White girl boyfriend cheats, white girl gets revenge and becomes porn star!...(Sad revenge)
Nothing tells U much about this book at all..(...)
I repeat! Don't waste Ur money it's pure garbage!
I don't walk away from this book with anything!
I just feel something really is wrong with this twisted girl who had low selfessm and had no smart bone in her body to improve her life other then a pole or by porn!
This book lack interest! Time U get to the middle of the book...U'll be so LOST! It's stupid!
I could care less about her Diary..or her sex life!
This book didn't get to base how U can be pure and end up so disturded! It's junk!
This book needs a new title...How to get High Selfessm!
(...)
Those (...)'s aren't mine, by the way. The reviewer put them in herself, although I can't imagine why.

I am most amusted by the repeated reference to selfessm. Once in a while your mouse slips and deletes odd things and you type a little oddly end up with weird stuff. She uses "selfessm" twice, which suggests that it's on purpose. Which suggests that she actually thinks that "self esteem" is spelled "selfessm." Which is really, really funny and really, really sad at the same time.

The weird capitalization is also worth a giggle or three.

The emphasis on how white Jameson is is also kind of funny. I bet that "Lisa" meant to say something about racism but never really got around to it.

This one wins for sheer Why-The-Fuck-Did-You-Pick-Up-This-Book-ness:
That is the only way I can describe the phenomenon of a porn skank actually putting sentences together. Yeah she did have help but believe me it didn't improve this book any. She totally tries to justify the fact that she is a porn star, as if that would make it any better. Just admit it, you are a two-bit skank who can't do any better. Admit it!!! You'll feel better. She is the green-eyed monster of envy when it comes to REAL actresses or models, you can see it in the way she tries to babble on that Cindy Crawford actually came on to her. What would a gorgeous woman like Ms. Crawford want with a plastic looking floozy like Jenna Jameson? Not a thing. But she tries to make us believe that as well as a lot of other BS in this book. Don't go there.
Floozy is a really awesome word.

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